i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
