Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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