how can u be prego again
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
