I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
