I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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