you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This house was built for laser tag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
