The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
