I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
