I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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