he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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