Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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