Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
