this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
