you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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