He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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