so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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