Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
