just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
