Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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