I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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