I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
