I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
