HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
