He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
