o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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