Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
