i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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