I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think your dad took our porno
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
