does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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