I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
