How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
