I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
