And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
