tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it hurts more in the daytime
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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