Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
