Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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