Are we in a gay sports bar?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
