great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
