Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
