Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
