Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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