matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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