Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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