I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
