I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
