I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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