I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
