On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I pour the whiskey from now on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
