She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
