no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
