My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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