I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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