we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
