I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀