oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night