During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover