I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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