hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
