In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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