It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
