Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
