if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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