Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
