so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
