Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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