a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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