I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
