So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
