wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize