I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
